I, A Cry Monster

Warning: Content ahead may appear intensely morbid.

The thoughts of a crying woman make no sense.
My period is 2 days away, these raging hormones that I cannot even explain, a once in a month phenomenon.

I cry because I don’t have things my way.
I cry because I feel so much for things that sometimes I cannot differentiate if these are my feelings or not mine.

I am a cry monster.

This is unedited, raw.
I feel insane, vulnerable and alone.
I tried to explain these feelings to others, but it never was understood. I realise we can never fully understand someone else’s pain. I mean, I can’t even describe my own pain, how do I expect someone else
to fully know mine?

I cry for no reasons. Like today, I wanted to cry because I couldn’t eat the food that I want, I was angry, frustrated having to queue up for my food instead of having food served on the table to me. I reasoned in my head some poor kids out there have to scavenge for food, where did this sense of entitlement come from? We are often told not to compare, so how is this situation any different? Why compare me to someone worse and intentionally block out my feelings of frustrations, disappointment and pettiness?

Yes, I am petty too. Then I cry. I cry when I am feeling petty. Because I know I am not entirely correct, but I want to be right, and when I am not…